The story I read for Escape Pod, The Love Quest of Smidgen the Snake Cake by Robert T. Jeshonek, is now up for your auditory delight. It contains innuendo as thick and heavy as cream pie flesh with a drizzle of sociopathy on top, but no actual naughtiness.
From now on, I shall be known as SNACKY CAKE.
For her entire adolescent and adult life up until three weeks ago, Lynda had been the queen of junk food. Aside from the briefest blips of non-junk spending due to occasional failed diets, she had purchased only the most fattening, high-cholesterol, chemical-soaked foods available from grocery stores, restaurants, vending machines, and mail order websites.
In short, she was the perfect woman. Though she was on a diet that day, she had eaten non-nutritious foods in great quantities all her life. Though her last purchases had been salad greens and bottled water, her 250-pound body told the true story.
I knew she was just waiting for someone like me to come along.